Registries, Then and Now

Towels, trust, and everything in between

Wedding Registry:

Sheets

Quantity: 2

• 600 thread count sheets the young couple could never afford on their own, available from Pottery Barn.

  

Dish Ware

Quantity: 12 of each

• “Emma” plates, bowls, and serving dishes can also be purchased from Pottery Barn. The couple will actually continue to use these daily for the next decade and likely beyond, but will never end up with the same amount of each piece.

Barware

Quantity: infinite amount

• Any and every type of glassware one can think of from Bed Bath and Beyond. After all, the husband does work for a winery so the couple can never have too many glasses, right?¹

Towels

Quantity: 6

• The teal ones from Bed Bath and Beyond that complement the couple’s rented primary bathroom paint SO well.²

Pots and Pans

Quantity: 1 full set

• OXO brand from, you guessed it, Bed Bath and Beyond. They don’t yet know they’re not supposed to use nonstick cookware. Or that BBB will go out of business.

Floral Teacups and Plates

Quantity: 8

• Purchased from Anthropologie only to take up prime cabinet real estate for a decade.

• Alternative option: there is no alternative option. Anthropologie just launched their wedding registry and the bride must acquire SOMETHING to make this registry worth her efforts.

Silverware

Quantity: 12 of each

• Can be found at either Bed Bath Beyond or Pottery Barn, depending on your price point.

• Alternative option: purchase from neither store and the couple can continue using the groom’s cutlery from his bachelor days for the next ten years.

Giant Aquatic Themed Vase

Quantity: 0

• Not actually on the registry but a rogue choice from a wedding guest without a grasp on the couple’s taste.

KitchenAid Mixer

Quantity: 1

• Can be purchased from Bed Bath and Beyond. Light blue color preferred.

• Alternative option: a group could go in together to purchase a leaf blower instead and the bride-to-be won’t care AT ALL.³

Bed Bath and Beyond Gift Cards

Quantity: as many as possible

• Can go toward any basic household items from the registry the couple didn’t receive after the wedding.

• Alternative option: the wife, who will not have a job for the first month of marriage but who will insist upon hosting a party a week after returning from her honeymoon, can use them to purchase throw pillows and curtains she will end up hating in approximately five minutes.

  

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Ten Year Registry:

Patience

Quantity: daily dose, more as needed

• Earned by dating long distance for five years and being the last of their friends to get married⁴, enduring two years of fertility treatments before having their first child, and weathering three more years (and counting) of infertility in the hopes of a second.

• Alternative option: raising a toddler together.

Acts of Service

Quantity: recurring, as needed

• Exhibited by refilling the wife’s Stanley cup, unprompted, and administering dozens upon dozens of progesterone shots into her behind.

• Evidenced by shaving the husband’s back and keeping gum and Tums in the wife’s purse at all times in the event he requires them.

Sense of Adventure

Quantity: as often as possible

• Found by taking an Uber together from a friend’s California vineyard wedding while the driver in a werewolf mask drones on about how America has lost its Halloween spirit and not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

• Alternative option: invoked by the couple and their friends, who are in their 30’s, discovering lanyards labeled “VIP” at the local college town bar where they are attending a concert and using those same lanyards to sneak onto floor seats and watch the entire concert from the field of the football stadium.

Support

Quantity: mountains of

• Shown through the husband championing the wife’s creative endeavors for creativity’s sake.

• Given by the wife not complaining (too much) during hunting season when the husband is gone for Saturdays in the fall.

Long Suffering

Quantity: can feel infinite at times

• Earned by sobbing into each other’s arms the moment after the couple buckles their beloved foster son in his social worker’s car, knowing they’ll likely never see him again.

• Alternative option: hearing the nurse on the phone tell the couple the wife’s HCG level does not indicate a viable pregnancy after transferring their last two embryos, meaning their IVF journey has come to a devastating end.

Trust

Quantity: reservoirs

• Established by moving in the nation’s fourth largest city knowing no one and experiencing hurricanes, job dissatisfaction, and more flat tires than one person should be allowed to undergo with no one to rely on but each other.

• Maintained by encouraging each other through intimidating career changes and reminding one another of their strengths and values.

Knowledge of Your Spouse

Quantity: an ever accumulating inventory

• Exhibited by the husband knowing the wife requires alone time to decompress after a long day of extraverting and not letting her retreat to the bathtub or to Bravo hurt his feelings.

• Underscored by the wife accepting the husband needs to release a string of expletives anytime he works on a project around the house and realizing his anger at inanimate objects is not directed at her.

Forgiveness

Quantity: an inexhaustible amount

• Demonstrated every time the wife doesn’t erupt when the husband leaves piles of papers on the counter only to tell her a week later it’s all trash and she can simply throw it away.

• Displayed every time the husband doesn’t lose his cool when the wife routinely books tickets or hotel rooms or appointments for the wrong date, time, or location.

Shared Interests and Goals

Quantity: as many as possible

• Forged through travel, listening to live music, and prioritizing regular sushi and oyster dates.

• Solidified by routinely sitting on the back patio with a glass of wine and dreaming about what life will look like five, ten, twenty years from now.

Complementary Strengths

Quantity: a liberal amount

• Showcased by the wife having visions of projects around their home and the husband possessing the necessary skills to bring said visions to life.

• Alternative option: the husband plucking a splinter from their toddler’s finger while the wife holds her other hand and tells stories to distract her from the pain.

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I’m not normally one to dish out advice—on our recent anniversary trip we met a woman who, when she learned we had been married for ten years, asked if we had any words of wisdom and I froze like a deer in headlights. Who am I to give counsel when I know so little?

But here is something I know for certain: others can gift you tangible items to start your marriage, but it’s up to you, the couple, to develop the gifts that will really matter in the long run.

While I wish we could simply push “add to cart” for these immeasurable qualities, I’m proud of the ways we have earned, demonstrated, utilized, forged, and shown one another love over the last ten years. We haven’t done it perfectly, but we have done it consistently.

Cheers to this decade and the next!

1. Wrong

2. Spoiler alert: they will live in this house for less than two years and never have a blue bathroom again

3. Okay, begrudgingly, maybe this has held up even better than the dishes. Don’t worry, she eventually got her mixer.

4. Narrator: she was 23. Bless.