Craving//Connecting: Life Giving Practices

Or avenues where my word of the year is manifesting so far

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

Like every other household in America, our house has been hit by the flu this week. Thankfully (knock on wood, fingers crossed, prayers up), it seems to have only affected my daughter while Luke and I have stayed well, but I won’t trust I’m officially in the clear until a little more time has passed.

The first couple days of my daughter’s sickness, while hard to witness, made me nostalgic for her newborn days. She slept in my arms while I read on the back patio, we had no agenda to uphold, and she wanted nothing more than to snuggle up next to us and be still. The next few days reminded me of what every mom with baby fever blocks out about the newborn days. She cried all the time for no apparent reason, woke up in the middle of the night, demanded I stay next to her despite my ever growing to-do list. Her needs often interrupted my own.

This picture cracks me up because I asked Luke to take it, thinking he would capture a sweet moment. Instead, what he captured was the look worn on my face the entire way through this book. If I look confused, it’s because I am. More on that in my end of the month round up post. This photo also shows me shielding my daughter’s face, per her request, because I answered “yes” when she asked if there was a mean lady in my book. She told me she didn’t want to look at my book after that and proceeded to fall asleep with my hand on her face like this.

The toll of being constantly needed again has given me a new appreciation for the freedom that comes with having a toddler. Parenting young children is not usually synonymous with freedom, but this week has spurred me to appreciate how much her and I have both grown in the last three years. From the colicky newborn who was only content in her mama’s arms, to the vivacious three year old who makes friends everywhere she goes—growth. And from the new mom who couldn’t imagine a day when she would ever have time for herself again, to one who has cultivated life giving practices, most of which are completed at her leisure—growth. I am reminded how there was life on the other side of the newborn fog and how I know there will be life on the other side of the flu fog, too.

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For better or worse, I am a word of the year gal. The practice may go in and out of vogue, but when it comes to choosing a defining word for the year, I don’t so much choose the word as the word chooses me. If I ever tried to neglect the practice, I know a word would find me anyway. If I were the one doing the choosing, I would pick a word like prosperity, wealth, or ease, but alas, my words have never been so straight forward or positive.

The year my word was hope, I thought surely it meant I would see my hope to have a baby fulfilled. Instead, after suffering a miscarriage and undergoing several procedures to restore my misshapen uterus, I learned to put my hope in Jesus, not in circumstances.

The year my word was circle, I thought it symbolized how my fertility journey was coming full circle. While it did, other areas of my life came full circle all at once, as well. After four years we ended the Craving Connection podcast, our foster son returned to his family after six months with us, we moved back to our hometown after six years away, and I quit my job to become a stay at home mom. More loops closed than I ever imagined.

The year my word was better, I assumed it meant I would have a better pregnancy and newborn experience than the first time around. This time I would know what to expect, what to do and not do, and I would come through as a better mom. Instead, I went through three embryo failures and learned to trust the Lord’s timing is better than mine.

So when the word life came to me this year, I was more than a little hesitant. Of course I knew what I hoped it meant, but experience has taught me my interpretation is not always the correct or full picture.

While I continue to hope (and knock on wood and cross my fingers and send prayers up) the word is a prophecy of new life to come in our family, I’m also on the lookout for ways to more deeply experience the life I am living now. After years of my life being devoted to trying to get pregnant or being pregnant, I am ready to embrace what I have already been given and find joy in the here and now.

That’s not to say I didn’t experience joy in the midst of these times, of course I did. Rather, I want to silence the voice continuously playing in the back of my mind which tells me, your life will really begin when _____ happens. This voice has always been there and will never be satisfied, even when all of my dreams have come true. But I don’t want to listen to this voice anymore. I don’t want to wait to start fully living, I want to start now.

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One way the word life has already manifested this year is through some life giving practices I’ve cultivated over the past month or so. None of them are truly revolutionary, but they have brought joy and purpose to my days.

Earlier this week, my friend Kristina shared how to identify your own life giving practices and her words are worth a read if you need some guidance in preparing a list. I hope reading mine will give you ideas to add to your own or get your wheels turning on other practices you would like to implement in your own life.

I have found simply the act of identifying life giving practices, as Kristina said, has “helped me to find and recognize myself again.” Because that’s what the heart of Craving Connection is—learning to make sense of who we truly are in order to more fully engage with the world around us.

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Life Giving Practices

Reading While Masking

I shared this picture last week as an endorsement for my red light mask and robe, but didn’t go into detail about the practice taking place. While you can plainly see I am reading with a red light mask on, what you cannot surmise is the routine I’ve started for myself every night linking these two tasks.

This year I reimagined my reading goal to focus not on a number of books to be read by the end of the year, but a number of minutes to read each day. Only a month in and I can confidently say this goal is serving me well. Not only have I ended up reading more books in one month than ever before, I also no longer feel the pressure or inner critic in my head assessing what I’m reading. The book doesn’t matter, only the act of reading.

But I was afraid I wouldn’t stay consistent with this goal if I didn’t have a set time of day to do so. I often have a hard time sitting and reading in the middle of the day, so night time seemed the best option. This plan coincided beautifully with my desire to also develop a masking habit. I am not known for consistency when it comes to skincare routines, but I desperately wanted to see results from my new toy.

Enter: habit stacking.

By pairing these tasks together, I am more likely to consistently implement them. And by inserting them in a time of day when I would ordinarily be scrolling or watching tv or engaging in some other form of downtime, I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing time. The achiever in me also feels doubly productive because I’m completing two goals at once without moving.

I am happy to report that, as stated above, I have read more books in a month than I ever have before, and I can tell a noticeable difference in my skin. This routine has also helped me wind down at night (I do this after I shower and before I complete the arduous routine of vitamins, serums, teeth brushing. etc.). Win, win, win. I’m hopeful this has become a lasting step in my bedtime routine from here on out.¹

Deleting Facebook From My Phone

I have a confession. My toxic trait (ahem, one of my toxic traits) is that I can get sucked into the comments section of a random Facebook post faster than you would believe. Of course, I never comment or actually get involved, but I can spend more time than I’m willing to admit reading not just comment fights, but innocuous threads that have nothing to do with me. It’s probably the same reason I’m drawn to reality tv—I’m naturally curious about other people’s lives and the way their brains work, but while my Bravo habit is not one I feel the need to break, my Facebook habit was.

I didn’t want to rid myself of the app altogether, though. I still find value in the groups I’m part of and it’s a very helpful place to find old pictures.

My solution: delete Facebook from my phone and check only on my computer. Sure, I could technically still scroll on my computer, but I’m far less likely to do so. Whenever I want to check in, I pull up the site on my computer, check what I want to check, and log off. Out of sight, out of mind.

I have tried implementing this with Instagram, but I love interacting with stories, so this is not a viable option. I have noticed that by deleting Facebook though, I inevitably scroll Instagram less. Once again, a win win situation I foresee sticking around.

Puzzling

For Christmas this year, my daughter wanted to participate not only in receiving gifts, but giving them, too. Luke and I each took her on a shopping trip and let her pick out a present for the other parent. At Academy she tried to walk away with a kayak for him, but settled on a beanie and a shirt. As for me, she chose bath bombs and an Encanto puzzle.²

At 200 pieces, the puzzle was a little too intricate for her attention span, but it reignited a hobby I hadn’t thought about since the early days of the pandemic, back when Luke and I (and the whole world) went through a big puzzle phase. Maybe it was a bit of PTSD, maybe it was the freedom of finally being back out in the world, or maybe it was the whole becoming a foster mom and getting pregnant back to back of it all—whatever the reason, our puzzles started collecting dust.

But since Christmas, my desire to work on puzzles has resurged. I ordered this four pack of 30 piece puzzles for my daughter and this 500 piece puzzle by one of my favorite artists for Luke and I. Completing puzzles with my toddler has been a great shared activity that sharpens her problem solving skills and decreases the amount of time we have to play pretend together³. Completing a puzzle with Luke has been a welcomed shared activity for us to do by a fire while a show plays, instead of scrolling on our phones.

My only complaint is how the project takes over our coffee table, but Luke has offered to build some type of puzzle table situation and now that I’ve said it publicly, he is now obligated to do so. Stay tuned.

Having My Three Year Old Set the Table

Dinnertime is my least favorite time of the day. Everyone is hungry and cranky and without fail, I’m so focused on making the meal, I always forget the pesky tasks of gathering cutlery, napkins, and drinks. This in turn means my family sits down at the table while I continue to scramble, making sure everyone has what they need and more often than not, end up a little huffy.

One evening, out of sheer desperation to keep her from asking me for yet another snack while I plated dinner, I suggested my daughter set the table. She immediately beamed and agreed. I set out three forks and three paper towels and she dutifully set them in everyone’s place. This little act, which took less than three minutes, really did lighten my mental load and instilled a sense of purpose in her. I then prompted her to find her water bottle and ask her dad to do the same and I, in turn, found myself coming to the table in a little less of a huff.

Of course, the allure of this chore has worn off and some nights it would just be easier to set the table myself than force her to do it, but I still believe its a worthy effort.

Even at three years old, I want to instill in her a sense of purpose and demonstrate she is an integral part of our family unit. She already does tasks like giving our dog, Louie, “his dog medicine and his dog treats” every night and helping me with her laundry, so setting the table is but another way for her to contribute. I want her to know everyone in our family has a job and plays a role. I often utter the phrase, “your job is to play, my job is to ____ right now” whenever I am in the middle of a home maintenance task and she wants me to entertain her. More often than not, her job is to play, but I also want to give her some ownership in “grown up” tasks, as well.

My hope is that taking part in small duties will not only foster a sense of responsibility in her from a young age, but also strengthen her sense of worth and place in our family. As an only child myself for many years, I remember struggling with feeling like my family was somehow less than because we didn’t fit the traditional mold. I know that setting the table or doing laundry is not a replacement for a sibling, but I hope her participation in the rhythmic nature of these chores reinforces the message that the three of us make our household and family go round and without her, we wouldn’t be the same.

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These are but a few examples of the ways I’m finding life right now. I’d love to hear yours. What practices have you found life giving lately? What is one way you have or could start living the life you have instead of waiting for the fulfillment of something you want?

1. It is not advised to use a red light mask every night, so I alternate between this and these sheet masks. I highly recommend both.

2. The Disney on Ice show we saw in November was Frozen and Encanto together. In an effort to hype her up for Encanto, I got her hooked on Surface Pressure, so she was eager to find a gift incorporating Luisa.

3. I love her imagination, but do any other parents tire of constantly playing pretend?