Connecting The Dots: November
I hope this letter1 finds you well this Black Friday and doesn’t become lost amidst the promotional emails you’re sure to receive from every store in which you’ve ever breathed.
As for me and my house, if you’re reading this on Black Friday, we are either gearing up for, attending, or debriefing Frozen on Ice. I have spent the lead up to this event explaining to my three year old that we are there to be in the audience; we will not be joining the performers. I’ve also explained, many times over, how the same will hold true for when we go see The Nutcracker on Sunday.
“We are there to be in the audience, to just watch and enjoy”, I tell her
“But if they ask me to go up there, can I?”, she inquires, unrelenting.
I tell her if Elsa or the ballerinas pick her out of the crowd and specifically ask her to come up and join them, then she absolutely can go. This chick oozes main character energy.
I was going to lead into this next paragraph by saying, “aside from these big performances, November has been pretty low key for us”, but then I looked through my camera roll and remembered everything November held.
My college girlfriends came to Dallas and I am not being hyperbolic when I say we spent the weekend eating and drinking our way through town. My mother-in-law and I went to see The Big Boo Cast live, which was an absolute delight. I hosted/attended three separate Friendgivings (not to mention actual Thanksgiving). I participated in #onedayhh on Instagram. We had lots of playdates with friends, new and old. I made my first charcuterie board in forever. We picked out our Christmas tree and attended The Carol of the Lights in the Christmas Capital of Texas.
So I guess a more accurate statement would be, “we ate and drank and celebrated our way through November.” I think because all of these events felt fun rather than stressful, they live in my memory differently than when I’m desperately trying to fit celebrations into every nook and cranny of our lives. It’s not that the events themselves were less stressful, I think my outlook is simply shifting. Circle back at the end of December and see if I feel the same way.
Reading Roundup
I have been reading Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg for over a year and joyously/sadly finished this month. It was a joyous occasion because there is no greater satisfaction than adding another book to my Storygraph list, but it was sad because I never wanted this book to end (hence why it took me so long to read).
For those unfamiliar, Writing Down the Bones is a foundational guide for establishing a habitual writing practice. The chapters are short and so is the book—only 180 pages— but part of the reason it took me so long to read is because after only a few pages, I was itching to stop reading and start writing. I’m not often a re-reader of books, but this is one I will return to again and again when I need motivation or inspiration. Beyond just being creatively inspirational, though, WDTB gives practical steps, concrete exercises, and pathways to actually get out of your head and start writing. I cannot recommend this book to writers enough.
In the vein of writing/creativity books I’ve been reading for a million years, I finished The Artist’s Way this month. At this point you’ve heard me talk ad nauseam about this book and the cohort with whom I’ve been walking through it. Last week we officially finished and the feeling of closing this book for the last time was incredibly bittersweet. You can read more about The Artist’s Way and the cohorts here and here and if it peaks your interest and you’re looking for accountability, I cannot recommend joining a cohort enough. You can learn more about them here.
I heard about this book from a Facebook group and the title grabbed my attention, so I placed a Libby hold on and it came through this month. How to Keep House While Drowning is a short (3 hours 3 minutes on audio) action packed read on how to keep up with “care tasks” when care tasks feel overwhelming. I appreciated the author’s verbiage of calling household maintenance and grooming tasks “care tasks” instead of “chores”. This is a book where not every tip is meant for every reader, but there is a valuable takeaway for every reader. If you have a new baby, are in any sort of recovery, suffer from anxiety/depression/ADHD, have physical limitations, or simply need a pep talk to get out of a rut, this is a quick listen (highly recommend listening) that will help you find grace for the areas where you struggle.
I did not intend for November to be so nonfiction heavy, but alas, this is where I have found myself. I placed a Libby hold on this audiobook back in August and was resolute in the remaining 14 week wait I had ahead of me, when my friends Holly and Mackenzie changed my life by showing me how to obtain multiple library cards.2 Suddenly the book I had been waiting months for was ready immediately! I’ve been eager to dive into this book ever since hearing the author, Sissy Goff, speak a few months ago, and I’m happy to say, it did not disappoint. The Worry Free Parent is, as the title implies, geared toward parents instead of kids. It focuses on giving you the tools you need to cope with your anxiety so you can better love the kids in your care. A lot of the tools and tips Sissy gives are ones I’m working through in therapy myself, so it’s been a great supplemental resource as I work toward tempering my anxiety to be the most present, emotionally healthy parent I can be. (Heavy emphasis on work toward, I’m not there yet.)
Finally, I leave you with one fiction recommendation. I’ve had a Book of the Month subscription since last May and am still riding out the credits due to how many months I skip. In June, however, two books caught my eye. Margo’s Got Money Troubles, which I’ve raved about several times, and The Lion Women of Tehran. On the surface these books could not seem more dissonant, but they both contain themes of strong female protagonists, friendship, motherhood, and standing up for your beliefs in the midst of adversity—though the former is set in modern day LA and the latter spans 1950s-present day Iran.
The Lion Women of Tehran is the coming of age story following the decades long friendship of Ellie and Homa, two girls from differing backgrounds who meet in downtown Tehran. The story follows the girls from elementary school all the way to adulthood, where a betrayal alters the course of both of their lives.
I shy away from sad/heavy books because they leave an imprint on my spirit that can be hard to shake, but I’m so glad I didn’t shy away from this one, though it took me several months to work up the fortitude to read.
Entertainment Honorable Mentions
I was a Love is Blind enthusiast from the beginning but bowed out after the first few seasons because even for a reality tv connoisseur like myself, it was too much. But I decided to dip my toe back in the water towards the end of the “laying on the couch” portion of my recovery last month and then dove in in earnest this month with season 7. I am incapable of watching this show without live texting my thoughts, so I know I drove my friends Caitlin and Danielle crazy by rapidly firing off my every opinion as I watched, but I couldn’t help myself. If you’ve watched, I’d love to know your thoughts and opinions. If you haven’t, this would be great to save for that lazy week between Christmas and New Years when you’re ready to turn your brain off.
I don’t know, ya’ll. We finished season 4 of Only Murders in the Building and I’m starting to feel like it’s jumped the shark a little bit. I hate saying that because it’s a clever premise with such lovable characters, but I’m struggling a bit. Anyone else?
Martha dives into the life of Martha Stewart, as the title suggests. I watched this one night while Luke was hunting and it was the perfect documentary to watch at home by myself on a Friday night. My main takeaways after watching were: a) how little I knew about Martha Stewart besides: hostess, jail, and Snoop Dogg b) how incredibly savvy she is to have pivoted so many times in her life and career to where she has remained relevant all this time and c) she is truly a woman who contains multitudes—she does not fit into any box in which you might be tempted to place her. She herself has heavily criticized this doc—partially because of how much time it spent focusing on her trial and jail time—and I’d agree with that criticism, but beyond that, I thought it was a fascinating look at a woman I believe so many of us have misunderstood. It also really made me want to read her first book, Entertaining by Martha Stewart, written in 1982.
Ben Rector released three new songs recently that I have been playing on repeat. Ben Rector’s music has been an almost imperceptible addition to the soundtrack of my life since college—he’s an artist I didn’t even realize I loved for a long time. But love him I do and his new songs are a welcome addition to my days. I already have my sights set on November of 2025 when he comes to Fort Worth.
And finally, one last addition 12:39 am after seeing Wicked on Thanksgiving night. What can I say but this totally lives up to the hype and is a must see in theaters. Luke and I saw Wicked on Broadway in 2017, which was a total bucket list activity, but it’s been just long enough that I wasn’t comparing the movie to the stage performance the whole time (other than trying to remember how they pulled off certain scenes on the stage) and could enjoy the movie for what it was. I probably have more enlightened opinions, but I’m exhausted and singing show tunes in my head, so I’ll leave at that.
What’s Cooking
November’s cookbook of choice has been The Defined Dish’s Dinner Tonight. Some of a my favorites so far have been: macho salad, the best chicken tortilla soup, and one-pot butternut squash and sausage pasta. If you’re looking for gift ideas for the home chef on your list or you just need a little inspiration for dinners in between all the holiday fanfare, look no further than Dinner Tonight!
Gadgets and Gizmos Aplenty
Keep reading to find out how I used these, but for now, suffice it to say these magnetic under counter lights are the quickest and cheapest way to elevate any shelf situation in your house.
In case you’re perusing deals today3, here are some gadgets and gizmos I’ve shared in recent months that I think would make great gifts:
Weighted eye mask (I also have this one on my list because yes, I need two)
Practice Makes Perfect
Since the advent of this Substack, my writing space has looked like me holed up on the corner of my couch or at the end of my dining room table. The couch was comfortable, but not the most conducive to productivity. The dining room table was lovely with the light pouring in from the front windows and the view of some of my favorite home decor pieces. However, the dining room is also where we eat dinner every night, so it required me to scoop up my belongings each day and place everything in a tiny basket, only to unpack it all the next morning. Not horrible, but not great.
I spent months racking my brain about how to carve out a more permanent space of my own, deliberating over these top contenders: Luke’s office, our bedroom, and my daughter’s playroom. None of them offered a perfect solution, thus rendering me paralyzed when it came to actually making a decision.
So round and round I went in my head, all the while putting off the decision. Until I had a creative direction call with
and last week where they kindly but firmly encouraged me to bump this decision to the top of my priority list. After hemming and hawing about the logistics of why I hadn’t, we finally got to the root of my indecision—I didn’t feel worthy. I didn’t feel worthy to take up physical, or emotional, space as a writer until I felt like I had “made it”. As a matter of fact, that was the undercurrent of the entirety of our call. Most every issue I brought up to them as it related to writing went back to my feelings of unworthiness.Despite showing up here every week, not to mention the handful of other places I’ve been published, and all the writing that goes unseen, I don’t feel worthy to call myself a real writer. I have all these metrics in my head I measure myself against and think “when this happens, I’ll know I’m the real deal.” But over the course of that call and a not-so-coincidental therapy session right after, I began to expose this faulty way of thinking for what it was—faulty.
As my first step toward combating this lie, I decided to heed the advice I’d been given and claim a space, right then and there. Out of all my options, the play room had the least barriers to entry since it came with a built in desk, so I let that be my determining factor. I cleared out the colored pencils and construction paper and glue sticks taking up residence alongside my books, put up a cork board with images I love, and stuck some lights under the shelves. In less than 24 hours, and for less than $50, I had myself a writing space. Just the simple shift of claiming a corner of our house as my own, however imperfect it may be, has given me a new pep in my step.
I don’t know the ways in which you may be struggling to accept your worthiness and take up space. Maybe you’re a writer, or some other kind of hobbyist, who doesn’t feel legitimate enough to make room for your craft. Maybe it’s a relationship where you don’t feel like you can be your full self for fear of being “too much”. Maybe you’re hiding behind perfectionism to mask the feelings of unworthiness brewing under the surface. Or maybe it’s in your relationship with Jesus—sure, He came to set us free, but not me, not from this.
Whatever your struggle, I hope you find some encouragement this week, whether from mentors, friends, or this story, that remind you of your inherent worthiness. I hope you know you’re not the only one grappling with these feelings—this has been, and likely will be, a lifelong battle for me. I hope you can find one small way to stand in your worth, either by making the space, feeling the feelings, saying what needs to be said, or asking the Lord to help you take Him at His word.
I hope this week, as we take a moment to reflect on all we have to be thankful for, that you can find it in your heart to give thanks to the God who created you with your own unique giftings, who knows your unique struggles, and chose to die a sinner’s death in order to make space for you in heaven. He knows us fully and loves us completely— may this perfect love propel us to show up wholly in our own lives.
I never know what to call these. Letters? Posts? Substacks? Blogs? Notes?
I physically have multiple library cards, so I don’t know why it never crossed my mind to use more than one on Libby. I always wondered how people read so many books this way when I was over here with a 3 hold limit waiting 20+ weeks for books. When I say they changed my life, I mean it!
I can neither confirm nor deny any of these items will be on sale, but I do stand by them as gifts I myself would love to receive.
Loved reading this! I also loved The Lion Women of Tehran. I love stories about female friendship. I have not read Margo’s Got Money Troubles so I’ll add that to my TBR. I didn’t know that Ben Rector has new music and that he is going on tour! I love him and am going to buy tickets tomorrow!
I love that you were able to take action so quickly on your writing space! Keep up the good work. ❤️
I am shocked that I don’t yet own Barefoot Dreams socks. I think I’ll put them on my wish list! I love my weighted eye mask. And I love Writing Down the Bones! All the heart eyes over your writing space—the shelves packed with books make my heart sing. Keep showing up and doing the work. I love your writing.