Out of alignment
I took my daughter to the chiropractor a few weeks ago to help alleviate some sinus issues she was experiencing. Doctor’s offices are her current obsession, so for her, trips to the pediatrician AND the chiropractor were akin to a day at Disney World. She obediently laid on the table and allowed her body to be manipulated side to side and every which way, only wincing when pressure was applied to her sinuses, a sure sign she was exactly where she needed to be. After having her body twisted like a pretzel, she hopped off the table and exclaimed, “now your turn mama!”
“Oh baby I don’t think she has time to see me today, I only made an appointment for you.”
But as two year olds are wont to do, she persisted.
“Mama, lay down on the table!”
The chiropractor sweetly offered to check her schedule to see if anyone was coming in right after us and with her green light, I happily obliged my daughter’s wishes.
As I allowed by body to be manipulated side to side and every which way, I winced at every turn.
“Oh wow, you’re really out of alignment.”
“I guess I didn’t realize”, I admitted.
“When was the last time you were here?”, she asked.
“I don’t even remember,” I confessed.
“I would recommend you to start coming regularly again.”
I thanked her for not only working me into her schedule, but for working out tension I didn’t even know I carried and we made our way back home.
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During my pregnancy with Campbell, I experienced excruciating sciatic nerve pain, which drove me to seek care at this particular chiropractic office. The practitioners there helped alleviate my pain and over time, we developed a trusting relationship. I continued my frequent visits throughout the remainder of my pregnancy and beyond, even bringing my newborn when we experienced breast feeding issues. As the mom of a colicky infant, their office served as a respite where I could bring my screaming baby without judgement. On more than one occasion, the receptionist would walk her up and down the halls while I sought relief from the new type of back pain that emerges when you have a newborn.
As Campbell aged, she outgrew her screams (PTL) but their office continued to play a significant part in our lives. While they referred me to other practitioners for issues outside their scope of practice, I continued my regular visits. In the weeks leading up to my first embryo transfer, they helped prepare my body and when the transfer was unsuccessful (and the next one and the next one), they lamented with me and prayed for me.
In short, this team has been an integral part of my life for the past two and a half years. When I started incorporating other treatment modalities into my routine, though, I decreased the frequency of my visits. Since I was being seen by other practitioners and wasn’t experiencing as much pain, I didn’t feel the urgency to go as often as I once did. As much as I wanted to continue my visits, I had to pick and choose where to spend my money and chiropractic adjustments no longer felt as necessary as they once did. What started as one visit a week dropped to one every other week, to once a month, to… whenever my daughter forcefully requested I lay down during her ow visit.
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Ever since that appointment, I’ve been replaying our conversation in my head.
“You’re really out of alignment.”
“I guess I didn’t realize.”
I’m questioning the other areas of my life that may be out of alignment without me realizing. The places I once tended to with love and care but have fallen to the wayside to make room for newer, shinier prospects, or the ones I’ve taken for granted and left on auto pilot for so long, they’re probably due for a check in. I’ve been examining my heart and my motives and the Lord is revealing the places where I need a spiritual adjustment.
Ever since the holiday season started in full force (which is September in our family due to birthdays), the day to day tasks of my life have been all but neglected. Cooking three meals a day feels impossible. Keeping up with laundry is a task too daunting to attempt. Even being fully present with my husband and daughter takes more emotional strength than I have most days. Just within the past week or two have I felt myself emerging from this haze. While I love a good holiday just as much (if not more than) the next person, layering a celebration marathon on top of normal life is a lot of work. All the regular, boring stuff is pushed further down the priority list to make room for the parties and the meals and the gifts. It’s no wonder I feel so out of whack.
And then there are the habits and routines I do “well”, the ones I repeat mechanically throughout the days and weeks, decisions I’ve made once so I don’t need to check back in. My hair/skin/beauty routine. My Bible study. Our breakfast and bedtime routines. Exercise (or lack thereof). These are the rituals that unfold much the same way every time and take up little to no brain space. These routines function like a well oiled machine, but even machines require maintenance every now and again. What worked in one season of my life may not work now, even the best routines require adjusting.
I know I can’t adjust everything in my life all at once. I also know not to believe the lie that I need to change everything in order to become some idealized version of myself. But that’s just what an adjustment is— small manipulations to bring yourself back into alignment. So I’m examining the places where I need small manipulations. A load of laundry started here. A few meals cooked there. Strength training one or two nights a week with a friend. An activity laid out the night before to complete before screen time. Scripture memory time as a family. I’m looking for little ways to come back to myself and become more of myself. I’m paying more attention so I can realize the next time I start to get out of alignment.
Dinner
KB told me she recently made Italian meatball soup, so naturally, I made Italian meatball soup. As this whole essay states, I’m having a hard time establishing rhythms that work for me right now, so I didn’t add making meatballs to my to-do list. I instead opted for store bought and I’m pleased to report, we were all fine. I will definitely make this again and maybe next time, I’ll be in a meatball making state of mind. This is definitely not a picture of my soup because I ate it all before I remembered to take a picture, so I’ll let the picture from the original blog entice you with its deliciousness.
Rave
This feels like cheating because we haven’t quite finished yet, but Luke and I started watching Shrinking on Apple TV this week and we are big fans. We’ve loved Jason Segel since his HIMYM days, so watching him on our screens feels just right. This show is equal parts heart and humor and I find myself rooting for all the characters. It follows a grieving therapist (Jason Segel) who in the wake of his wife’s death, begins telling his clients what to do and exactly what he thinks. Despite ethics teaching him otherwise, he finds his unconventional ways are helping people make big changes in their lives, his own included. We’re a little behind because this show started last year, but if you’re like us and just diving in, there’s only one season, so it’s very manageable.