Craving//Connecting: Foster Care
Some complicated thoughts on a complicated topic
If Not You, Who?
You are such a Saint
It's a job I could never do
I’d get too attached
My heart would break in two
I could never put
My heart out on the line
I could never raise a child
Just like they were mine
It would be too hard
To have to say goodbye
It would be too sad
To hold the tears they cry
Yes it’s hard! I want to scream
That’s how it’s meant to be
It’s your heart that gets broken
When you give your love for free
Of course you hate to part
With a child you adore
But if it's grim for us, adults,
Imagine what kids endure
They're forced to leave their homes
And everything they know
Sometimes once, sometimes more,
No option to say no
And no I’m not a Saint
I’m a person, just like you
If you won’t do it, I want to ask,
If not you, then who?What I Know Smiles Dark curls Yogurt smeared cheeks Bunny rabbit footie pajamas Endless readings of Brown Bear Conversations around the table only the three of us understood Trauma Heartbreak Uncertainty Sleepless nights Last minute visitations Driving different routes home for safety Wondering where you are Wondering who you are Memories fading Love remaining Not mine Mine
May is Foster Care Awareness Month.
As with any “awareness month” that touches me, by the time the month rolls around, I either feel too close or too far away from the topic to adequately speak. I’m either in it too much—too busy living whatever *it* is to advocate—or I’m too far removed and don’t feel like I have the right to speak on a topic that isn’t presently affecting me.
But when I take a moment to recalibrate, I remind myself of this—foster care affects us all. Whether or not you are called to become a foster parent, we are all called to foster care. While lots of people hide behind flimsy excuses (see poem above), it’s true that not everyone can (or should) be a foster parent. Caring takes on many shapes and forms, though:
Giving your time (babysitting, respite care, helping foster parents with tasks around the home, mentoring and meeting needs of at risk youth and vulnerable moms, etc.)
Giving your resources (donating money, clothes, toys, etc.)
Giving your voice
To be honest, I typically roll my eyes at people who throw up a post on social media related to a social justice cause and label the act as “caring”. It feels like virtue signaling at its finest—showing support without doing any of the hard work. But I also know our voices are a powerful tool and there’s a difference between wanting people to think you care versus actually wanting to stand up for your convictions.
So I’ll continue to speak up, even when I feel awkward and unqualified, because if not me, then who?
Organizations I love:
I’m linking this specific organization because they are who met so many of the needs we didn’t even know we had in those first 48 hours of welcoming our foster son. I will be forever grateful to this organization. If you follow Things I Bought and Liked on Instagram, she has spotlighted and used her platform to support this group, as well.
If you’re in the DFW area, Houston, or LA your morning cup of coffee can support foster youth interns transitioning out of care and into adulthood. Don’t have a location near you? They sell tons of cute apparel and accessories online that can ship directly to you! I have my eye on this sweatshirt and this hat.
Further Reading:
3 Minutes on Why Foster Care Matters by
They Are Made in the Image of God by Jamie Finn
Tori Hope Peterson on Instagram—author and former foster youth
So good, Kelsey!!
Thank you for writing about this, Kelsey! I have a few dear friends who are fostering and they are adamant that they are not uniquely qualified people. It has been a gift to support and learn from them, provide respite, and be a listening ear.